booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We are all done wearing pants today
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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