So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
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He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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