im about as happy as oj after his trial
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
