Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
