So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
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