I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
