Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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