apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
