Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
