My room smells like vodka and shame
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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