I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
