Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
