so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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