yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
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I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
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Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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