god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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