I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Bring me that man meat
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
