lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize