i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
