Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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