I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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