You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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