I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
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Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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