woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
