I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
