I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
