NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
