We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
