dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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