i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
