I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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