This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
