Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
