TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
