# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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