You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
