i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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