i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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