I just threw up on my dentist
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I cut my penus on the lid.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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