my phone needs a breathalizer
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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