She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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