where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
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Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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