I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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