I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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