She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
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I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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