she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
