The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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