Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
