Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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