There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
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We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
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I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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