I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
