Im at strip club and am horny
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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