xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
