do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
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You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
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You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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