Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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