I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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