I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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