FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
