Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
