I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
