I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
