If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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