if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize