I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
