Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
