My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
