Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
