she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well I just put wine in my tea
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
