shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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