get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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