Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
