Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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