You just made me feel so damn special
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
