Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
