at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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