fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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